I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize