There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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