we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
