i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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