He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
