whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
