He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
