Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
