At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
