My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
