You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize