Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
