I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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