i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
