wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
