His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We have so much sex to catch up on
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
