U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
