I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
