I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
