He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize