You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
