I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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