i think i have herpe
just one?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
