i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
