yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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