just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
