My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
