New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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