his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
