he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
