No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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