one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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