at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
sex in a hospital.. check
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
