And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
