ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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