If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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