Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
