Will you blow on my dice?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
