remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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