I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
