Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
