i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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