when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize