dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
