So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
