i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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