we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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