maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
