I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
