yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
