So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
