elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
