what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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