I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
