Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
