Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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