All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
