dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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