There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
