it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
