Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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