I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
