hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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