Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My vagina is very pro this idea
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
