Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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