you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
