What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
