my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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