She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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