Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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