Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
