i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
