Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize