we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
