i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
