but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
