i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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