i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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