Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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