dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
