Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There are leaves in my underwear?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
